Patrick Gonzalez, a middle schooler from San Antonio was threatened with an in-school suspension after coming to class with his hair full of beautiful artwork earlier this week.

Looks like The Wiggles have finally given up on your children. The BBC reports that three of the four founding members announced their retirement Thursday.

A Chinese writer is claiming that Rupert Murdoch was behind one of the Wall Street Journal's more embarrassing recent corrections—the paper wrongly claimed that the son of disgraced Chinese politician Bo Xilai, who preached Maoist austerity, once showed up for a date at former Amb. Jon Huntsman's residence in a cherry-red Ferrari—and that the Journal "badgered" and "threatened" a source that refused to back it up on the story. The Journal's China editor tells Gawker that the claims are "utter nonsense."

A new study in the New England Journal of Medicine found that over a 13-year period studied, there "was a significant inverse association between coffee consumption and mortality," meaning that people who drank coffee had a lower risk of death, particularl y from "heart disease, respiratory problems, strokes, injuries and accidents, diabetes and infections."

CBS, the last of the four networks to hold one, had its upfront today. Even though it is the most watched network, it still wants to prove that it isn't just for old people or the people who love the Big Bang Theory, with the result sometimes being How I M et Your Mother and other times being 2 Broke Girls. What does CBS have up its sleeve this year? Let's take a look.

Kindergartners in Georgia are being groomed to become tyrannical little King Joffreys, wielding unprecedented power over their teachers' lives, according to The Hechinger Report. As part of a new pilot program, feedback from five-year-olds' surveys about t heir instructors will be used to determine whether teachers retain their jobs or receive raises.

Forbes has just released its annual ranking of the most powerful celebrities in the world/galaxy/universe and, J to the L-O, hello, Jennifer Lopez snagged the number one spot.

Soda: the fizzy plague. The nectar of diabeetus. The bubbles of death. The artificial flavors and colors of tongue fun. Americans are drinking less soda these days, what with the undeniable public realization that that shit is poison, and the associated so cial shaming that goes with being a poison drinker. And thank god for that. But to be clear: you, Americans, you fools, still drink way too much poison swill of doom (soda).

Posted onChris Christie's YouTube accountafter premiering at the New Jersey Press Association'sLegislative Correspondents Club Showyesterday, this comedy sketch featuring the Garden State governor and his archnemesis, Newark Mayor Cory Booker, is not half bad.

Well well well. The sun is shining in the sky above and the frost has melted from the ground, meaning summer is nigh. Law requires you to journey to the beach, where people will gaze judgmentally upon your naked flesh. What shall you do, then?